If you have exhausted all other means of solving your problem, and you're thinking of emailing me with a personal plea, please don't! I just don't have enough time to answer PHP questions, and whatever you say will simply go unanswered. Sorry!
That said, if you simply have nowhere else to turn, you're welcome to try and get in touch with me on Twitter: @twostraws. I can't promise I'll be able to help, but you can try!
Want to learn PHP 7?
Hacking with PHP has been fully updated for PHP 7, and is now available as a downloadable PDF. Get over 1200 pages of hands-on PHP learning today!
If this was helpful, please take a moment to tell others about Hacking with PHP by tweeting about it!